71 replies to this topic

[Dragica]

Jaz libido kr mam, sam sem večino časa tak crknjena, da se mi ne da. 😁

[_Planet_]

^^
No, ali pa to ja.

[Christianne]

Jaz enako kot Dragica :/

[Jinadaze]

Moja teorija je, da je seks po porodu boljsi, ker ga je manj. No, pri vecini.

[Podgana]

Haha. Amen.

[_Planet_]

[Dragica]

Definitivno ga je manj, občutno manj. 😁

[ora]

Ostrokljun ima danes dobre storyje tudi na temo padca libida. Ozavestit problem oz.vzrok problemu je prvi korak k resitvi..

[Kami]

Mi danes zjutraj vrže spodnji zapis na FB: 

 

in en prvih komentarjev spodaj: 

Good job, except no men are gonna read this. Its far too long for their attention spans. The performance collapse if they're given a sense of pressure is  on point 

     

 

 

 

 

So many men ask me ... "why can't she just tell me what she wants in bed?"

 

Here's why many women struggle to tell a man what they need sexually

 

1. Female arousal is contextual, not mechanical

Male arousal is largely stimulus-driven. Visual cue, touch, blood flow, done. Female arousal is mostly state-dependent. It emerges from safety, ANTICIPATION, pacing, emotional tone, timing, and nervous system regulation. That means, most women don’t know what they need until they’re already inside the experience.

So when a man asks, “What do you want?” Her nervous system hears, perform clarity on demand. That shuts the whole system down. Research on responsive desire shows that many women feel desire AFTER arousal begins, not before. You can’t give directions to a destination that hasn’t appeared yet.

 

2. Socialization punished female sexual agency early... Across cultures, girls receive three consistent messages:

Desire makes you risky

Directness makes you unlikable

Sexual needs make you “too much”

Studies on gendered communication show women are rewarded for being agreeable, flexible, and emotionally attuned, not directive. Men are rewarded for initiative. Guess who practices asking for what they want more? By adulthood, many women have exquisite perceptual skill and underdeveloped expressive skill. She can read his micro-shifts, she struggles to say, “Slower. Stay there.”

 

3. Fear of male fragility is not imagined

This part makes people uncomfortable, so they pretend it’s not real. Women learn early that male sexual ego can be brittle. Research on heterosexual sexual communication shows women routinely soften, delay, or suppress requests to avoid:

Defensiveness

Withdrawal

Performance collapse

Retaliatory distance

The nervous system does a fast calculation, is my need worth the relational cost? Often the answer is no, so she adapts instead of speaks.

 

4. Women are trained to manage men’s emotions, not direct men’s bodies

Neuroscience studies on empathy show women, on average, have higher activation in regions tied to emotional monitoring. That’s useful and it's also a trap when it comes to sexual conversations. During sex, this becomes:

Monitoring his arousal

Monitoring his confidence

Monitoring his satisfaction

While neglecting her own internal signal and you cannot articulate what you are not tracking.

 

5. Trauma and dissociation blunt language access

Even without overt trauma, many women learned early to disconnect sensation from speech. Stress hormones inhibit the prefrontal cortex, the part that handles language. During intimacy, especially if there’s pressure, old patterns, or power imbalance, verbal access drops. She isn’t being vague, her speech center is offline. This is well-documented in trauma research.

 

6. Sex education taught outcomes, not communication...Most women were taught:

Pregnancy prevention

Disease avoidance

How to please

Almost none were taught:

How to track arousal

How to notice boundaries early

How to articulate sensation in real time

You don’t magically develop a vocabulary you were never given. This isn’t about women being “bad at asking.” It’s about a mismatch between, how female desire actually unfolds and how heterosexual sex is structured. Men are taught to do.... women are taught to receive and adjust, then everyone wonders why clarity fails.

 

7. The fear isn’t “he won’t do it.” It’s he’ll do it without wanting to.

Women are energetically sensitive by design. Nervous systems tuned for reproduction, bonding, threat detection, and subtle emotional shifts don’t just notice what is happening, they register how it’s happening. When a woman tells a man what she wants, there’s often a silent calculation underneath:

“If I ask, will he comply rather than desire?”

Compliance feels awful...somatically awful. When touch is fueled by obligation instead of genuine curiosity or arousal, her body reads it as contamination. The nervous system tightens instead of opens. What was meant to invite pleasure instead triggers a quiet recoil. Women learn, better to want less than to feel someone forcing themselves to want me. That’s not insecurity, it's sensory intelligence.

 

8. Precision creates an impossible translation problem

Female pleasure is often highly specific and nonlinear. Pressure, angle, rhythm, tempo, timing, internal state, emotional context, hormonal phase. These variables stack, change one and the whole experience shifts. Most women learn their pleasure alone, through micro-adjustments that happen internally and instinctively.

She’s not thinking, “Up, left, faster.” Her body is tracking sensation millimeter by millimeter. Trying to explain this to another human in real time feels like asking someone to replicate handwriting by watching you breathe. Instead of saying anything, she goes quiet. Not because she doesn’t know., because she knows how impossible it is to translate.

 

9. Asking risks killing the moment

Language activates the thinking brain, Female arousal lives in the sensing brain. The moment she has to instruct, she often leaves her body and enters management mode. She becomes a coach instead of a participant, and once she’s there, arousal drops. She stays silent, hoping he’ll stumble onto the right frequency through attunement rather than instruction. When he doesn’t, she blames herself for wanting something “too complicated.”

 

10. The cultural lie about intercourse

This one does real damage. Many women have internalized the belief that, men want intercourse the most, it's the main event. Everything before it is a warm-up...Lingering equals inconvenience and isn't the good stuff. Even when a man explicitly says otherwise, the pattern is louder than the words. She learns to rush herself, to abbreviate her own arousal and to treat what actually opens her body as optional, indulgent, or negotiable.

For many women, foreplay isn’t a lead-in, It’s THE event. Touch, pacing, breath, presence, anticipation, emotional safety. That’s where her desire lives. Intercourse is often an extension of that, not the goal. But if she believes he’s waiting for the “main act,” she won’t ask him to stay where she actually is.

 

11. There’s also a desire not to burden

A brutal, quiet belief lots of women carry, "If my pleasure requires too much time, attention, or nuance, I’m asking for too much.” Then instead of risking being “high maintenance,” she accepts less and tells herself she should be satisfied. This isn’t low libido, it’s suppressed request.

 

12. What women actually want instead of instructions

The majority of women don’t want to tell a man what to do. They want, curiosity, slowness instead of escalation, permission to take time without apologizing. A man who stays present without needing a finish line. When that environment exists, words often become unnecessary. Feedback emerges naturally. Moans, breath, subtle movements. The body speaks because it feels listened to. The real mismatch is men are often waiting for clarity and women are waiting for attunement.

Men think, “If she’d just tell me, I’d do it.”

Women think, “If I have to tell you, you’re already somewhere else.”

Neither is wrong, they’re just operating from different nervous system maps. When sex is treated as a goal-oriented act, women edit themselves, when it’s treated as a sensory exploration, they open. This isn’t about techniques, it’s about whether the space is built for her nervous system or merely tolerates it, and most heterosexual sex still isn’t built for it.

The fix isn’t “just communicate better” That advice is lazy... The fix is, slowing the encounter so language can stay/come online... Removing performance pressure... Normalizing exploratory feedback instead of definitive instructions. Teaching men to read nervous system cues, not wait for scripts.

When a woman feels safe during making out, clarity appears naturally, when she feels evaluated, it vanishes. It's not a mystery, It’s biology, conditioning, and a culture that still confuses female sexuality with male expectations.

And remember all, you know the rules in my sandbox... no "whataboutisms" Get curious, read the comments... listen...

[Ancka Pomarancka]

Jaz sem tudi samo scrollala mimo 😂

[Frčica]

Tud jaz

[Jinadaze]

Jaz sem pa prebrala pa se mi zdi, da bi bila vsebina lahko napisana v 3 stavkih. In da velja bolj za kratkotrajne zveze, kjer se se ne poznata dovolj. Ne bi se pa strinjala, da tehnika ni tako pomembna. Vsakemu normalnemu je uzitek zenske na prvem mestu in jim je to turn-on.