Hilda je zbežala na Japonsko in se preimenovala v Takura Fulkrade.
Dobri vici...
Started by
*sweety*
, Sep 19 2004 07:11 PM
2691 replies to this topic
#2581
Ancka Pomarancka
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Posted 23 May 2013 - 07:10 AM
#2582
Kinky
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Posted 03 June 2013 - 08:07 PM
How do you separate a man from an animal?
A: Divorce.
“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)
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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.
#2583
Ancka Pomarancka
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Posted 05 June 2013 - 03:49 PM
Dolenjska...domovina cvička...
Policaj ustavi avto: "Dober dan! Je bilo kaj alkohola?"
Franci: "Po šiht' u Majolk je Tončk dau za runda...pa prau Lojz, da grema še u zidanca k njemu, pa je blu en..., dva... jah ene tri litre pol pove Marjan, da je v Brajdi nova kelnrca, pa so ble še t'm ene tri runde po tamalem ..."
Policaj: "Boste opravili preizkus alkoholiziranosti?"
Franci: "Pa kuga pezde, kaj ti men ne verjameš, al kaj???"
#2584
Dragica
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Posted 05 June 2013 - 07:26 PM
ROFL
Če hočeš nekaj, česar še nimaš in nisi nikoli imel, naredi nekaj, česar nisi še nikoli naredil.
#2585
Kinky
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Posted 04 September 2013 - 12:36 PM
Včeraj nama je v kuhinji eksplodirala plinska jeklenka.
Naju z možem je vrglo na dvorišče……
Kakšno doživetje...!
Po ne vem koliko letih sva šla spet skupaj ven.
“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)
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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.
#2586
Kinky
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Posted 06 September 2013 - 11:11 AM
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)
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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.
#2587
Kami
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Ginger Mrs. Darcy / Fraser
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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:44 AM
Sinoć mi "crko" internet, pa sam malo sjedio sa porodicom.
Fini neki ljudi...
Fini neki ljudi...
Put A Kilt On It!
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
#2588
Nincha
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Posted 21 September 2013 - 10:07 AM
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
After all this time?
Always.
#2589
Kinky
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Posted 21 September 2013 - 04:36 PM
Haha, lepa. (sem pa morala 2 krat prebrat)
“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)
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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.
#2590
Michelle
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Posted 22 September 2013 - 12:37 PM
Hehe, jaz pa 5x.
#2591
Jinadaze
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Tough cookie
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Posted 27 September 2013 - 01:12 PM
Zakonski par srednjih let se je končno naučil pošiljati SMSe.
Žena, ki je bila mile in zasanjane narave, je, ko je bila v mestu na
kavi, poslala možu domov
naslednji SMS:
- če spiš, pošlji mi sanje,
- če se smeješ, mi pošlji nasmeh,
- če ješ, mi pošlji grižljaj,
- če piješ, mi pošlji požirek,
- če jočeš, mi pošlji solzo!
Ljubim te!
Mož je odgovoril:
Sem na stranišču, ti kaj pošljem?!
Normality is a paved road: It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.
― V. Van Gogh
#2592
Kinky
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Posted 01 October 2013 - 03:00 PM
Kaže Mujo Hasi:
- Zamisli, sinoć oko ponoći stigne mi SMS: "Trebaju li vam drva?" Ja odgovorim: "Ne trebaju!"
- I?
- I jutros pogledam iza kuće... kad ono - nema mi drva!
- Zamisli, sinoć oko ponoći stigne mi SMS: "Trebaju li vam drva?" Ja odgovorim: "Ne trebaju!"
- I?
- I jutros pogledam iza kuće... kad ono - nema mi drva!
“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)
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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.
#2593
Kami
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Ginger Mrs. Darcy / Fraser
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Posted 09 October 2013 - 12:43 PM
- Tata ... šta je to muškarac ?
- To ti je sine neko ko je jak, ko pazi, voli i brine o svojoj porodici!
- Tata, pa to je super!!! Hoću i ja da budem muškarac, kao mama!!!
Put A Kilt On It!
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
#2594
Kami
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Ginger Mrs. Darcy / Fraser
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Posted 10 October 2013 - 12:45 PM
ni ravno vic, ampak:
Najbolji susjed
Kupoval sem vse od krače
do špinače in pogače,
trgal sem od svoje plače,
kupoval, ker je domače.
Kupoval sem predrago,
dostikrat zanič blago,
staro, gnilo, nič zato,
glavno, da je našim šlo.
Kupoval sem tujcem v bran,
kupoval sem, a zaman.
Najboljši sosed je prodan.
Najbolji susjed, dobar dan.
Put A Kilt On It!
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
#2595
Kami
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Ginger Mrs. Darcy / Fraser
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Posted 15 October 2013 - 11:13 AM
en aktualen
Polž zasopihan prileze iz gozda in sreča lisico. Začudeno ga vpraša:
- Kaj je, polžek, zakaj tako hitiš?
Ta odgovori:
- Ne sprašuj, prišla je davčna inšpekcija.
- Pa kaj?
- No, saj veš, jaz imam hišo, moja žena ima hišo in tudi vsi moji otroci imajo hišo ... Lahko si predstavljaš, kaj to pomeni.
Lisica se zamisli in steče z njim.
Srečata štorkljo, ki presenečena vpraša lisico:
- Lisička, kam pa kam?
- Ali nisi slišala? Po gozdu se sprehaja davčna inšpekcija!
- In kaj zdaj?
- No, jaz imam zelo drago krzno, moj mož ima zelo drago krzno in tudi otroci imajo zelo drago krzno ... Lahko si predstavljaš, kaj to pomeni!
Štorklja se zamisli, se nasmehne in reče:
- Dragi moji, razen tega ubogega gnezda nimamo nič. In še to je celo zamazano, grdo in poceni. Praktično brez vrednosti.
Polž jo pogleda in pripomni:
- Hja, štorklja ... Pol leta doma, pol leta v tujini ... Od kod pa to?
Put A Kilt On It!
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
#2596
Jinadaze
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Posted 15 October 2013 - 09:11 PM
Slovenec pred sodiščem, ker je povozil dva cigana.
Sodnik: Obtoženi, povejte, kako je bilo.
Slovenc: Spoštovano sodišče, bila je poledica, izgubil sem kontrolo nad
avtom in ...
Sodnik: Saj je vendar avgust!
Slovenc: Pa dobro, padal je dež, cesta je bila polna mokrega listja, avto je
zaneslo in...
Sodnik: Deževalo ni že mesec dni!! Nehajte govoriti pravljice in povejte
resnico!
Slovenc: **O.K.,** vozim se jaz in vidim ta dva smrdljiva cigana. Dal sem po
gasu in se čelno zaletel v njih. Eden mi je skozi šipo padel v avto, drugi
se je odbil od avta in odletel še 100 metrov po zraku.
Ampak, ni mi žal!!! Še enkrat bi naredil isto, če bi imel priložnost!!!
Sodnik: Vidite, lahko bi takoj povedali. Enega bomo obtožili vloma v avto,
drugega pa bega z mesta zločina...
Normality is a paved road: It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.
― V. Van Gogh
#2597
Kami
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Posted 17 October 2013 - 02:09 PM
Prometna policija ob dveh zjutraj ustavi starejšega gospoda ter ga ob kontroli dokumentov vprašajo:
- Kam ste namenjeni ob tej uri?
- Grem na predavanje o posledicah pretiranega uživanja alkohola in tobaka, njunem škodljivem delovanju na človeško telo in psiho, o negativnem učinku na socialno, družbeno, delovno in družinsko življenje s posebnim poudarkom na pozno prihajanje domov.
- Kaj res? In kdo še v teh časih to predava???
- Moja žena!
Put A Kilt On It!
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
#2598
Kinky
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Posted 23 October 2013 - 10:36 AM
"Sorry, your password has been in use for 30 days and has expired - you
must register a new one."
"New password:"
roses
"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1fuckingprettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FUCKINGprettyrose
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FuckingPrettyRose
"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow!
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow
"Sorry, that password is already in use."
“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)
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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.
#2599
Kami
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Ginger Mrs. Darcy / Fraser
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Posted 29 October 2013 - 03:19 PM
Juče sam dobio dete, i šta sad?
Živim kod babe, još sam u vojsci, kad izađem čekaću posao ko zna koliko...
dođavola, kao moj ćale, ni on nikad nije radio, valjda 50 godina čeka posao i živi od socijale...
Da bar imam majku da mi pomogne, ali đavola, skršila se u kolima sa nekim švalerom.
Žena ne radi, naravno, i još mora da pomaže lujku od sestre koja se stalno vucara po klubovima...
a ni moj burazer nije bolji, samo luduje i opija se... I šta ću sad sa detetom?
Prince William
Živim kod babe, još sam u vojsci, kad izađem čekaću posao ko zna koliko...
dođavola, kao moj ćale, ni on nikad nije radio, valjda 50 godina čeka posao i živi od socijale...
Da bar imam majku da mi pomogne, ali đavola, skršila se u kolima sa nekim švalerom.
Žena ne radi, naravno, i još mora da pomaže lujku od sestre koja se stalno vucara po klubovima...
a ni moj burazer nije bolji, samo luduje i opija se... I šta ću sad sa detetom?
Prince William
Put A Kilt On It!
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
#2600
Fluffy The Stud Eater
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Posted 30 October 2013 - 09:02 PM
Nekaj Prevodov Kratic v Politiki:
SD = Smrdljivi Drek
SDS = Smrdi do Stropa
PS = Prodoren Smrad...
DESUS = Dedni eliminirajoč Smrad usrane Slovenije
LDS = Latentno delujoč Smrad
ZARES = Zelo antipatičen redno eliminirajoč Smrad
SLS = Smrad lenih Smrdljivcev
NSI = Narcisoiden Smrad Idiotizmov
SNS = Smrad naše Slovenije
SMS = Smrad mladih Slovenije
SD = Smrdljivi Drek
SDS = Smrdi do Stropa
PS = Prodoren Smrad...
DESUS = Dedni eliminirajoč Smrad usrane Slovenije
LDS = Latentno delujoč Smrad
ZARES = Zelo antipatičen redno eliminirajoč Smrad
SLS = Smrad lenih Smrdljivcev
NSI = Narcisoiden Smrad Idiotizmov
SNS = Smrad naše Slovenije
SMS = Smrad mladih Slovenije
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">“Someone once told me the definition of Hell: </span></strong></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">The last day you have on earth, the person you became </span></strong></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">will meet the person you could have become.”<br>
- </span></strong><span style="font-size:12px;">Anonymous</span></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">The last day you have on earth, the person you became </span></strong></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">will meet the person you could have become.”<br>
- </span></strong><span style="font-size:12px;">Anonymous</span></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
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