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Dobri vici...

Started by *sweety* , Sep 19 2004 07:11 PM

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#2301 Dragica

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Posted 15 February 2011 - 01:42 PM


Jst tele prvič slišim. thumbup.gif
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Če hočeš nekaj, česar še nimaš in nisi nikoli imel, naredi nekaj, česar nisi še nikoli naredil.

#2302 Fluffy The Stud Eater

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Posted 15 February 2011 - 01:52 PM



Jaz tudi in so mi še vedno strašno kewl. Tudi tisti, ki sem jih že čula, ha ha.

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<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">“Someone once told me the definition of Hell: </span></strong></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">The last day you have on earth, the person you became </span></strong></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="font-family:georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">will meet the person you could have become.”<br>
- </span></strong><span style="font-size:12px;">Anonymous</span></span></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>

#2303 freak

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Posted 15 February 2011 - 04:45 PM

QUOTE(Kinky @ 4. 2. 2011 - 18:43) View Post

Q: Where can you find a turtle with no legs?

A: Where you left it!
twisted.gif


lol1.gif hahah js se rolam
Mi je pa ful smešno, ko včasih kak vic sestri preberem in čisto preveč razmišlja, da na koncu včasih vic prov pokvar. Recimo sem ji tega sedaj prebrala in zravn umrem od smeha, ona me pa gleda pa gleda, ji ni nič jasno, poj mi pa prav zakva bi kdo sploh mev želvo brez nog laugh.gif
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''I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I need things to happen for real.'' (A.M.)

#2304 Kinky

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 01:03 PM

Nekateri bolj, spet drugi manj znani:

Ko je Krištof Kolumb prinesel koruzo v Evropo, je Chuck Norris na pomolu že prodajal kokice.
Ko so izumili mobilni telefon, je imel Chuck Norris že dva neodgovorjena klica.
Hello Kitty ima zvezke od Chuck Norrisa
Chuck Norris lahko shrani podatke na navaden ključ.
Chuck Norris je zmagal na tour de france z orbitrekom.
Nekoč sta Chuck Norris in superman polagala roke. Poraženec mora še danes
nositi gate čez kostum.

Nekateri spijo v pižami od supermana. Superman spi v pižami od Chucka Norrisa.
Preden Chuck Norris prečka cesto, morajo avti pogledati levo in desno.
V zgodovini ni bilo nobene evolucije. Obstajajo le živali, ki jim je Chuck
Norris pustil živeti.

Chuck Norris je enkrat prišel dvakrat.
Američani so se leta 1945 odločevali: naj na Japonsko vržejo atomsko bombo,
ali naj pošljejo Chucka Norrisa? Odločili so se za bolj humano možnost.

Ko je bil Chuck Norris mulc, nikoli ni močil postelje. Postelja se je sama
poscala od strahu.

Chuck Norris uporablja Mr. Muscolo kot kapljice za oči.
Chuck Norris je edini ki je v Vegradu dobil plačo.
Chuck Norris lahko ploska z eno roko.
Chuck Norris je zgradil hišo v kateri se je rodil.
Chuck Norris je edini, ki lahko v Tušu nabira Mercator Pike.
Chuck Norris reče: "Big Brother, ti si nominiran."
Chuck Norris gre z avtom tko hitro da mu garmin daje navodila v pretekliku
Chuck Norris se je prikazu mariji
Chuck Norris-ov srčni utrip se meri po Rihterjevi lestvici.
Chuck Norris surfa po radio valovih.
Zakaj je Chuck Norrisa rodila teta?
Ker mu nihče ni smel jeb** mater.
Kaksen je Chuck Norrisov naslov gmaila?
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris lahko napiše grafit na zvočni zid!
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“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)

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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

#2305 Sinnaia

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 01:54 PM

Saj so CN vici res že malo zlajnani, ampak meni so vedno znova smešni in kul, že kar malo evergreen. biggrin.gif
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#2306 rea

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 04:16 PM

QUOTE(Kinky @ 19. 2. 2011 - 13:03) View Post

Chuck Norris je enkrat prišel dvakrat.

laugh.gif
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There are some things I may not know                  

There are some places, dear Lord, I may not go.

But there's one thing of which I'm sure

My God is real for I can feel him in my soul.

 

I have found a way to live  

in the presence of the Lord Hare Ram, Ram, Ram

Hare Ram, Ram, Ram, Sita Ram, Ram, Ram

 

 

 

#2307 Sarah

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 04:41 PM



QUOTE(Sinnaia @ 19. 2. 2011 - 13:54) View Post

Saj so CN vici res že malo zlajnani, ampak meni so vedno znova smešni in kul, že kar malo evergreen. biggrin.gif


yes.gif lol1.gif
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Cosa vuoi che ti scriva?
Cosa vuoi che ti dica?
Tu sei ovunque in me.

#2308 rea

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Posted 21 February 2011 - 12:36 PM

Pride mož domov pa žena gleda kuharsko oddajo, pa ji mož reče:
"Zakaj pa to gledaš, itak ne znaš kuhat??"
Ona pa: "Zakaj pa ti pol porniče gledaš??" ;)
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There are some things I may not know                  

There are some places, dear Lord, I may not go.

But there's one thing of which I'm sure

My God is real for I can feel him in my soul.

 

I have found a way to live  

in the presence of the Lord Hare Ram, Ram, Ram

Hare Ram, Ram, Ram, Sita Ram, Ram, Ram

 

 

 

#2309 rea

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Posted 22 February 2011 - 11:35 AM

SOCIALIZEM:
Imaš dve kravi in eno daš sosedu.

KOMUNIZEM:
Imaš dve kravi; vlada ti vzame obe in ti da nekaj mleka.

FAŠIZEM:
Imaš dve kravi; vlada ti vzame obe in ti proda nekaj mleka.

NACIZEM:
Imaš dve kravi; vlada ti vzame obe in te ustreli.

BIROKRATIZEM:
Imaš dve kravi; vlada ti vzame obe, eno ustreli, pomolze drugo in mleko
zlije stran...

TRADICIONALNI KAPITALIZEM:
Imaš dve kravi. Eno prodaš in kupiš bika. Čreda se množi in gospodarstvo raste. Prodaš čredo in se upokojiš od dobička.

AMERIŠKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Eno prodaš, drugo pa prisiliš da proizvede količino mleka štirih krav. Kasneje najameš svetovalca da bo analiziral, zakaj je krava crknila.

FRANCOSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Začneš s stavko, ker bi rad imel tri krave.

JAPONSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Redizajniraš ju na velikost desetine normalne krave in proizvedeš dvajsetkrat več mleka. Potem ustvariš pametno igračo z imenom Kravagoči in osvojiš svetovni trg.

NEMŠKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Z reinzeniringom jih tako spremeniš, da bodo zivele 100 let, jedle enkrat na mesec in se same molzle.

ITALIJANSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi, toda ne ves, kje sta. Greš na kosilo.

RUSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Ko jih prešteješ ugotoviš, da imaš pravzaprav pet krav. Še enkrat šteješ - krav je 42. Prešteješ še enkrat in končno ugotoviš, da
imaš dve kravi. Prenehaš s štetjem in odpreš novo steklenico vodke.

ŠVICARSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš 5000 krav in nobena ni tvoja. Drugim zaračunaš, da so lahko pri tebi.

KITAJSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. In 300 ljudi, ki ju molze. Hvališ se z visoko stopnjo zaposlenosti in mlečnega donosa. Novinarja, ki je poročal o številkah,
aretiraš.

INDIJSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Obe častiš po bozje.

BRITANSKA KORPORACIJA:
Imaš dve kravi. Obe sta nori.
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There are some things I may not know                  

There are some places, dear Lord, I may not go.

But there's one thing of which I'm sure

My God is real for I can feel him in my soul.

 

I have found a way to live  

in the presence of the Lord Hare Ram, Ram, Ram

Hare Ram, Ram, Ram, Sita Ram, Ram, Ram

 

 

 

#2310 Nincha

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Posted 22 February 2011 - 05:02 PM

1994. Birth of justin bieber.
1995. Death of Eazy E.
1996. Death Tupac.
1997. Death of Biggie
4 of the most horrible years ever.

laugh.gif
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After all this time?

Always.

#2311 Kinky

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Posted 22 February 2011 - 05:44 PM

laugh.gif

Jedno jutro, netko kuca na vrata:

- Dobar dan, ja sam iz Jehovinih svjedoka, želio bi razgovarati s vama.
- Izvolite uđite, sjedite. O čemu želite razgovarati?
- 'bem li ga, ne znam, nikad nisam stigao ovako daleko.
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“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)

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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

#2312 Kinky

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 08:18 AM

Blondinka razlaga prijateljici: >>Padla sem na vozniškem izpitu.
Zapeljala sem v krožišče in ker je pisalo 30, sem 30-krat peljala
okoli. Pa me je vrgel.<<

Prijateljica: >>Sigurno si se zaštela..

twisted.gif
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“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)

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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

#2313 Kami

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 09:59 AM

Pride blondinka do trafike na hrvaškem in prosi: "Jedne cigarete molim".
Prodajalec: "A koje?"
Blondinka: "Pa ja sam!"
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Put A Kilt On It!

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

 

 

#2314 Kinky

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Posted 28 February 2011 - 12:52 PM

Haha, blondinka zmaga.



Zakaj ni več Mercator najboljši sosed ampak policija?
Zato, ker imajo zmeraj akcije, če plačaš takoj imaš 50% popusta in še točke lahko zbiraš.
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“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)

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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

#2315 Braunkopf

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Posted 28 February 2011 - 04:57 PM

thumbup.gif
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Vuelvo al Sur,
como se vuelve siempre al amor,
vuelvo a vos,
con mi deseo, con mi temor.

#2316 Emily

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 10:55 PM

Condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"


HOW THE 2012 DRAMA STARTED:
"Have you finished making the mayan calander?"
"No way near... I just... CRAP... we ran outta paper"
"What date were you up to?"
"21st December 2012" .......


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Yes, it can happen so quickly. Life as we know it can change in a blink of an eye. Unlikely friendships can blossom, important careers can be tossed aside, a long lost hope can be rekindled. Still, we should be grateful for whatever changes life throws at us. Because all too soon, the day will come when there are no changes left.

#2317 Immortelle

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Posted 08 March 2011 - 05:27 PM

Kaj ti bo Chuck Norris, če je MAJA premagala APRIL FEBRUARJA!
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ॐ Be a voice, not an echo. ॐ

#2318 Jinadaze

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Posted 10 March 2011 - 09:23 PM



Mujo dobi službo pri Certusu kot šofer avtobusa.
Njegov šef mu prvi dan daje napotke:
"Čuj, Mujo, toti avtobus boš vozo, pa kasiro boš tudi ti, ker nimamo
več kondukterof...
Pa pazi, kak boš vozo!"
Mujo sede v avtobus, ga zakurbla (trideset let star Tamič teče ko
švicarska ura) in se odpelje na svojo turo.
Ob 11:35 njegovega šefa obvestijo, da je imel Mujo hudo nesrečo.
Šef se takoj odpelje na prizorišče.
Na ravnini med Radizelom in Framom vidi na polju popolnoma razbit
avtobus, nekaj potnikov je že odpeljal rešilec, nekatere so še
obvezovali, nekaj je bilo pokritih....
Mujo pa brez praske žalostno sedi na odtrganem avtobusnem kolesu.


"Pa kaj si te ti delal, da si na toti ravnini zleto s ceste???"
"Zadi sn kasiro..."
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Normality is a paved road: It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it. 

― V. Van Gogh

 

#2319 Kinky

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Posted 10 March 2011 - 10:20 PM

thumbup.gif laugh.gif
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“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

#2320 Kinky

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Posted 12 March 2011 - 10:46 AM

PEDERSKA SVAĐA




Svađaju se dva pedera.
- Marš, pederu!
- Marš ti, pederčino!
- Ej, ne seri više!
- Ne seri ti!
- Ma, popuši mi kurac!

- Aha! Sad hoćeš da se pomirimo!

twisted.gif
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“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?” (Charles Bukowski)

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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

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